Musings...

You ever feel like you just can't do anything right? Like the world was out to get you, or at least just one person?

Like the one person was just waiting for you to mess up, so that they could dump you out and leave you for nothing? Wouldn't that be grand. Starting a life over? Not in the very least. I can't think of any pros to anything. I've lived right out of high school, married and had a child. No college no nothing. Why is it that Life always seems to bite me in the ass where and when it could possibly hurt the most? What is it about me that just drives people away.

I have an attitude that I don't know I have, I'm snappy I guess. Maybe it could be the fact that we've been trying for the past year to have another baby and look, does anyone see another baby? Why is that? Well it's got to be because I can't have anymore. That's not frustrating to a 21 year old, not at all. Add that on top of raising a toddler, and two children that aren't mine, one that doesn't even like me, and one that is like my best friend.

Or maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe I'm just pretending to be happy. Maybe it's the fact that his touch makes me cringe? Why? Cause that's how it effing goes. I'm so used to him just pissing me off, that I wait for the next time he tries to piss me off, so I'm on edge. Maybe I'm just making up excuses, I'm not quite sure yet. All I know is that he's got to figure some stuff out. And we all know what that means. It means I'm going to be alone again. I'm happy I have my mom. And my son. I couldn't live without them, maybe I should start looking fro a job. I mean I'm going to have to support my son. I'll work nights at L.L.Bean or something, anything so I can spend the days with him and while he's sleeping go to work. Or work evenings on the weekends till I'm out of school, then get a really good job. Yeah....That sounds like a plan....